March 15, 2105

Part-time celebrity and laissez-faire dictator Leo Tarvi was killed in his home this afternoon in an unlikely accident involving massage oil, a French bra with excellent elastic, and really good false teeth. Although no further details have yet been released, he is said to have “died with a smile on his face.”

Mr. Tarvi is best known for slapping the 51st President of the United States on live television and being the first emperor of the Moon. He won a controversial Nobel Peace Prize in 2069 for “setting such a good example”, and helped organize the first Robot Rights marches ten years later. Also notable is that during the cyborg marriage scandals of the 2090’s he became the first totalitarian dictator to lead a popular uprising against his own regime.

A second tragedy was narrowly averted when a document believed to be his last will and testament proved to be a lyric sheet for the old Australian folk song “Tie Me Kangaroo Down” that Mr. Tarvi had notarized and placed in a safe. Fortunately all involved were informed before anyone reached the preserve grounds. It has since been announced that clues within his home and office suggest that Mr. Tarvi has hidden his will and created a map in several pieces which are themselves hidden. Those closest to him have said that it was “Just like him to waste our time with a crazy treasure hunt like this.”

Although the precise extent of Mr. Tarvi’s surviving family is uncertain, an estimated one-tenth of one percent of the population of California is directly descended from him. Although the world will be less interesting now that he’s gone, frankly we’re all glad to be rid of the weird old bastard.